We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
