so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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