6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Come share oat with me in your robe
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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