how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
