So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
