So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
