His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
