Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
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