There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
