i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
