There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
