hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
