I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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