He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
