My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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