if i can run in heels then i can drive
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
