I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
