You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
