I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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