I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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