so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize