That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
