I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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