why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
sex in a hospital.. check
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize