Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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