I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
