Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
