we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
