dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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