i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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