R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize