so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
