what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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