He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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