He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
