On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
