Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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