I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
