Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
