babies were throwing up all over the place
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
