I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
