then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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