Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
