Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
