we have pet lesbian snakes
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
