my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Randomize
