no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
No subtext here. People are naked.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
