Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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