You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
