i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just puked most of my soul out..
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