Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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