A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
