I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She said her name was "party"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
