wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
