I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
