It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
