My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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