I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
