On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
