We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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