If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
