I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
