ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
