This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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