i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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