she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
