They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
