did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
