Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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