I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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