Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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