Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
