his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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