Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
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