my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
