My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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