i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
