Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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