She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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