Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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