There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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