Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize