Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
