I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
