your room smells of hookers.
And success
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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