so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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