; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
There are leaves in my underwear?
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