beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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