dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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