There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
ttyl tear gas
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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