I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
