I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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