Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
