just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize