The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
