Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
