Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
