i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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