Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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