dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Well I just put wine in my tea
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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