It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
