Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
