Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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