I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
the room spins SO much faster in panama
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
