The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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