Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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