I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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