fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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