In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
