so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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