Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
