That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
pray to the hookup gods
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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